“Patience is a virtue,” the old saying goes. But no one really tells you how to become patient—especially when you’re stuck in traffic, standing in a slow-moving line, or listening to your partner ask, “Wait, what did you say?” for the third time in a row.
The truth is, some people do seem to be naturally calmer than others. According to Dr. Geoffrey Gold, a psychotherapist with Therapists of New York, certain traits—like being comfortable with uncertainty or being willing to extend trust—can make patience come more easily. But he also stresses that patience is not purely innate. It’s a skill you can practice: “It’s an emotional tool that requires empathy and focus to coexist with boredom, frustration, and restlessness,” he explains.
So if waiting isn’t your strong suit, don’t worry—here are five practical ways to build more patience into your everyday life.
1. Redefine What Patience Really Means
If your mental picture of patience is being endlessly understanding, unshakably calm, and impossible to annoy, of course it feels unattainable. That definition isn’t realistic—or human.
As Fanny Tristan, psychotherapist and founder of Restority Space in New York, puts it: “A lack of patience is really a lack of acceptance.” When we refuse to accept that learning something new takes time, or that healing from an injury can’t be rushed, we set ourselves up for frustration and anger.
Those who seem effortlessly easygoing aren’t immune to life’s chaos. They’ve simply learned to accept that reality is messy, machines break down, people cancel plans, and texts don’t always come back right away. That perspective makes daily inconveniences easier to ride out.
2. Step Outside Your Own Head
Much of impatience comes from unspoken “shoulds”:
- The cashier should move faster.
- My roommate should do the dishes by now.
- This sprained ankle should have healed already.
But as Dr. Gold notes, just because things should go a certain way doesn’t mean they will. Impatience often comes from a self-centered lens that assumes everyone else should align with your timeline.
Instead, try perspective-taking. Maybe that slow barista just filled ten complicated orders. Maybe your roommate had a terrible day. Shifting focus toward empathy not only softens irritation but also reminds you that most setbacks aren’t personal.
3. Physically Slow Down
When life feels overwhelming, slowing down sounds counterintuitive—but it works. Rushing signals to your body that you’re in crisis, amplifying stress and anxiety.
Deliberately moving more slowly—even in small ways, like walking at a gentler pace, taking a breath before responding to someone, or chewing more mindfully—calms your nervous system. As Tristan puts it: “When you feel in control of your body, your mind can start to settle, too.”
4. Channel Restless Energy
Even when you’re trying to wait calmly, impatience can build up inside until it spills over. That’s when we snap at strangers, fire off passive-aggressive messages, or vent in long group texts.
To interrupt that buildup, redirect the energy. Fidget with a pen, squeeze a stress ball, or keep your hands busy while you wait. Sensory resets can also help: holding an ice cube, taking a hot shower, or splashing your face with cold water can quickly regulate your emotions and keep you from reacting impulsively.
5. Practice Doing Nothing
Patience doesn’t develop overnight. It’s less about forcing serenity in the moment and more about training your brain to tolerate slowness without panicking.
In today’s culture of constant stimulation, our minds are wired to expect endless activity—scrolling, messaging, multitasking. That’s why intentional downtime is so powerful.
Try leaving an afternoon completely unscheduled, or spending ten minutes each day without your phone or screens. Over time, your brain learns that stillness isn’t dangerous. The more you believe that you do have time, the less agitated you’ll feel when life slows you down.
The Bottom Line
Patience isn’t about sainthood—it’s about acceptance, empathy, and perspective. By practicing small shifts, from slowing your body to reframing your expectations, you can teach yourself to sit with life’s inevitable delays without losing your cool.
And who knows? The next time you’re in traffic or stuck behind someone fumbling for change, you might even find yourself… oddly at peace.
